Sometimes your life just doesn’t feel quite right. Whether it’s your mind or your body or both, you can usually tell when things are just, well, off. If you’re like me, you push through this feeling and hope that things will right themselves and go back to normal. In the past, when I’ve felt like this, I’ve just kept pushing and pushing. In these situations, it usually ends up badly. I get sick, sleep deprived, lose my temper on someone, have an anxiety attack, or just feel like crap. Sometimes things even out again on their own, but more often, I need to make a change to get back on track again. In my learning the past few months, I think that this is more common than I’ve originally thought in the past. It seems to be a very normal and human thing to get off track in our lives. Whether we are pushing our bodies or our brains or both too hard, we are a society that continues to push through no matter how we feel because we feel as though we have no choice.
In the past, I haven’t been too in tune with my body and its cues. I’ve gone to work sick, because that’s easier than making sub plans. I’ve went to bed late too many times in a row, and forced myself to get up early. I’ve fed my body junk, or nothing at all, and expected it to keep working. I’ve continued to work out through an injury, and injured myself more. I’ve overworked myself until I was worn down and overtired. Regardless of what it is, when I get off track or push too hard, it NEVER works out well for me. To top it off, I usually don’t even recognize that I’m off-balance until it’s too late. This is something that I’ve been trying to work on since I’ve been home from treatment. I’ve been trying to listen to what my body is telling me and do better at being proactive, and not letting things get out of hand like I always used to do.
In reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, she talks about this very thing in Guidepost #7. Brene and her husband sat down and made a list of their dreams. Then, they made a list of what their life looks like when things are going well for them personally and as a family. This list is compiled of things that they do that make them happy, healthy, and balanced. They called this list their “Ingredients for Joy and Meaning list.” After comparing the two lists, they realized that they didn’t mesh very well. To achieve their goals, they were often having to go against the things that were making things run smoothly. They realized by letting go of some of the things on their dream list, and doing more of the things on their “Ingredients for Joy & Meaning List,” they were in fact living their dreams.This resonated with me and inspired me to make my own list.
In making my own list, I realized that I haven’t done a great job in the past of recognizing what my body and mind need to be healthy and happy. I’ve always just went with the flow and hoped for the best. I’m realizing now, finally, that this may not be the best strategy. (I’m usually a pretty quick learner, but not in this situation, obviously.) I wanted to share my “Ingredients of Joy and Meaning list” with you all. First off, to continue sharing my journey of recovery with you. Also, so you may be inspired to reflect and make your own list. Lastly, and maybe most importantly for me, to put it out there into the universe so maybe I will hold myself more accountable to do better at each of these things. Here is the list of things that I came up with that I need in my life to ensure that I’m happy and healthy and balanced:
As I reflected on this list, I saw that it was a pretty balanced list of things that ensured both my body and brain stay healthy. The first four may seem like common sense, but are some of the most difficult for me to stick to. The busier I get, the more I think these things take a backseat in my daily schedule. This CANNOT be the case. In fact, the busier I get, the more I need to be intentional to ensure I do these things and keep my body healthy.
Before I went to Arizona, spending time outside may not have made this list. Yes, I’m a farm girl and grew up being outside, but I hadn’t really tapped into that part of me as an adult until this past fall when I was in Wickenburg. Yes there was perfect weather and absolutely gorgeous views, both of which helped motivate me to spend time outside, but I also realized how much fresh air positively affects my mood. I’ve noticed since I’ve been home, if I’ve gone a few days without going for a walk outside, I start getting antsy. After I spend time outside, even if it’s freezing, I’m always in a better mood afterwards.
This blog has been my answer to making time to write and be creative, being authentic & honest, and also starting meaningful conversations with people around me. I make sure I sit down to write at least twice a week, and pray that God brings a subject to my heart that someone needs to hear. It never fails that I learn something about myself or others when I post, and my posts have ignited some really interesting conversations with the people in my life.
As I just told my students last week, being in treatment also opened my eyes to my phone addiction. I’m terrible about constantly being on my phone and mindlessly scrolling through social media, when I could be using my time in better and more productive ways. When I was at the Ranch, we did not have access to our cell phones. When I first arrived, this was the worst possible scenario for me. I did not think I was going to survive two months without my cell phone. But something interesting happened. After a few days of reaching for it when I was bored and feeling “phantom vibrations.” I didn’t miss it anymore. In fact, it was a relief to not have to keep up with texts, phone calls, and social media. It was so freeing and made me realize that there is so much more to life than having your nose buried in your phone all the time. I had more deep, meaningful conversations and learned to sit with my feelings, instead of numbing them out with my phone. In fact, I had a lot of anxiety when it came time for me to get my phone back. Just thinking of being connected to it again filled me with a sense of dread. Now that I’m home and have full-time access to my phone again, I need to remind myself that it doesn’t need to be in my hands at all times.
Next on the list is doing things I want to do and not things I feel like I should do, and being ok with saying no. Both of these are very difficult for me. As a perfectionist and rule follower, there always seems to be something that I feel like I should do. Instead of getting caught up in this, I want to be aware and be deliberate about doing things that make me happy and not just doing things out of duty. Saying no connects with this as well. Setting boundaries and saying no are hard, but by doing this, I’m making myself available to fully invest in things that are truly important instead of spreading myself too thin and not being able to do any one thing very well.
Lastly, going to church, spending time with God, and meditating. Some things that are easier said than done. When I get busy and start hustling to get everything done, these are some of the things that I start telling myself I can do without. Skipping church when I would rather sleep in on Sunday and not taking time to be STILL are two things that I’m very guilty of when my life gets chaotic. These are the things that are easy to skim over, but also the things that have the most powerful, positive affect on my life. Sometimes it isn’t easy, but being intentional and making sure that I make time for these things, even if I need to skip something else, result in me being the best version of myself.
That is my Ingredients for Joy and Meaning List. I’ve (slowly) realized that I can’t just hope for the best anymore when my life feels unbalanced. It never works. I need to stop trying to push through, and instead, look at what’s missing in my life and fix it. Becoming aware of what makes my life run smoothly, and what I need to do to keep my brain and my body healthy is so important, especially in this time of recovery. I know that being intentional with my daily routine keeps me focused and doing what I need to do to be the best me.
What about you? What do you need to include in your daily and weekly routines to be the most healthy, happy, best version of YOU that you can be?!
Comments