2023: Realizing I'm Capable

It’s been a while. I chose to step away from blogging last year, mostly because I didn’t feel like I had much to say. Being a perfectionist, this is a common theme as I tend to be super hard on myself. But now, I feel like it’s time to hop back in and challenge that piece of me that feels like I have nothing to say because lately I’ve been realizing, life is so GOOD and there’s always something to share about it. 

The last time I blogged was at the end of 2022. I had much to share about 2022 and everything I discovered about myself through seven months of treatment away from home for my eating disorder and other mental health issues. I shared my one word for 2022: FIGHT and how it impacted my life through that time. I subtly introduced my one word for 2023: CAPABLE and then fell off the face of the Earth for the entirety of 2023. It’s time to remedy that now.

My 2023 word was CAPABLE. I learned throughout 2022, and my experiences the last couple of years, that I am much more capable than I think. I wanted to put that word at the forefront and focus on my capabilities instead of my weaknesses. I kept a screenshot of part of the letter my treatment therapist wrote me and pasted it on the home screen of my phone so I could see it daily.

I started to visualize and plan what I wanted my life to look like instead of being angry about my present life. I did a lot of soul-searching and felt that my first step was to make strides toward a career that I would love and have the potential to be good at. The degree I decided on was social work. A master’s degree in social work was very compelling to me for many reasons. I know I want to work in the mental health field, I want a degree that is flexible and provides me with many options for career paths, I want to be able to advocate for and give a voice to people who are marginalized, and I want to help people who are struggling as I’ve been helped by amazing providers throughout my life. A degree in social work checks off all of those hopes and dreams.

I took the plunge and started to research social work programs that would work with my living situation and schedule. I found the University of Iowa’s program and it was (aside from the fact that it was the University of Iowa 😜) a perfect fit. I attended informational meetings, did a lot of research on master’s program applications and essays, and dove in. Other than some amazing references and proofreaders (you know who you are ❤️), I completed this process mostly on my own, trusting that I was capable of steering my life and future in a completely different direction. I’ve never spent as much time and energy as I did on my application essay, and was beyond nervous about turning in my application. I was putting all my eggs in one basket and it felt very scary to make the jump and trust that God’s plan would be done in my life, acceptance into the program or not. 

As I was envisioning and planning my future, I was also tuning into my body and my physical health. I had ignored and numbed my body and its messages for a long time, and finally (with a little pushing on its part) I decided to pursue some answers for some issues I’d been struggling with for a while. After a lot of doctor’s appointments, testing, and advocacy for myself, I had my gallbladder removed. I’m grateful I listened to my body, and feel so much better after that surgery.

It also finally sunk in this year that this body and I will be stuck together forever, and it is wise, so I should listen to it and what it needs instead of ignoring it. With that, I reduced my physical activity and gave my body the rest that it needed and deserved after several years of overexercising. I also pursued diagnoses and treatment for my back pain, instead of just powering through like I normally would. This is still unfortunately a work in progress, but at least I have some answers about what’s going on. 

Lastly, I decided to get braces. For anyone who knows me, it’s common knowledge that I have a severe phobia of anything to do with my teeth and dental work. However, I was sick of looking in the mirror and hating my smile, as well as struggling with severe TMJ, and decided that it was time to take care of myself in that way too. Walking around with braces on as a 33 year old feels very vulnerable and uncomfortable, but I’m proud of myself for putting myself first and doing something that will not only make me feel better about myself but help my physical health as well. 

On top of therapy and my own continued personal work on my mental health, I made sure to escape to some of my favorite places with some of my favorite people in 2023. I’m a big outdoor, nature, wanderlust type of person, and traveling to the places that make my heart happy goes a long way in improving my emotional and mental well-being. I was able to get away to my FAVORITE place in the spring of 2023 with my mom. We escaped to Arizona for a few days in February, and as always, the desert and the red rocks of Sedona never disappoint. I was able to visit my dear friends, Emma and Lauren, in Chicago in May, my Michigan family in August, my Wisconsin family in September, and get away to Colorado Springs with my mom and Quill in November. Seeing family I don’t see very often, hiking in the mountains, and getting to be outdoors in the most beautiful places were definitely highlights from 2023

With my future career plans in motion, getting treatment for my physical health, and continuing therapy for my mental health, 2023 was the year of getting my life together and rediscovering myself so I could move forward. There were a lot of loose ends and question marks at the end of 2022 when I last blogged, and looking toward 2023 was very daunting with not feeling like I had a purpose or direction. The word CAPABLE felt very appropriate with all the answers I was searching for and the self-advocacy needed to move myself in the right direction. Like every year, I feel like I could have done better with my one word, but the beauty of a one word resolution is that you can’t fail. It’s a direction, a goal, and I’m thankful to have had that CAPABLE mindset as I navigated 2023.

---

Now that 2024 is here, and 2023 is behind me, I feel as though I’m finally making progress toward the life that I have dreamed of. I’m so grateful and blessed to share that I was accepted into the University of Iowa’s School of Social Work and will be starting my two-year program this coming fall. I’ve tied up a lot of loose ends with my physical health, and continue to work on the neverending process of keeping myself as mentally and emotionally healthy as possible. 

However, the biggest and best thing that happened to me in 2023 was not an acceptance to grad school, trip, or life-improving surgery. The best thing that happened to me in 2023, the best thing that’s happened to me in my entire life, was meeting my person. I finally stepped into who I truly am and made a leap of faith that has changed my life forever.

I have so much to share about this and her, but for now, I will leave you with my one word for 2024: OPENHEARTEDNESS. I cannot wait to share all about the girl I’ve opened my heart to and all the amazing changes that are in store for my 2024. Stay tuned ❤️