Considering I’m having a hard time keeping track of what day it is, it’s kind of a miracle that I’m getting this posted "on time.” I realize that I’m probably the only one who holds myself to this strict time schedule for posting my blogs, but it makes me feel better. I’m all about routine, and this time, well, there’s nothing routined about this time.
I’ve been trying to stay away from my phone and social media, especially Twitter, because it just overwhelms me with feelings of anxiety, fear, and also sadness. When I do pick up my phone and scroll through, I scroll through things like COVID-19 theories, statistics and symptoms that usually just freak me out, teachers talking about how much they miss their students and what their online learning/teaching looks like, and all sorts of quarantine memes and jokes. Social media is just kind of a weird place these days. Weirder than usual. Overall, it’s a weird place that I’ve been trying my hardest to avoid.
Through the past few months, I’ve been working hard on pinpointing and naming emotions, and actually feeling the emotions. It’s been hard work, rather unpleasant work really, and I’m not good at it. But through this work, I’ve also been working on setting and maintaining boundaries with people and things in my life. One of those boundaries has been with my phone. I could look at this time in a lot of ways, and believe me I have, but one of those ways I’ve been trying to frame it is putting some distance between me and my phone. So far? I would rate myself at a 4/10 in this work. Good thing I have at least a couple more weeks to practice.
In the freed up time that I would usually be on my phone, I’ve been thinking a lot. This unstructured time gives me a lot of time to think. Whether I’m cleaning my house, laying on the couch trying to focus on TV, or going on long walks with Rocky, my brain’s always running 100 mph. As I told a friend the other day over text, “Worrying is all I feel like I’ve been doing lately, about all my people.” Yes, I’m a little worried about my loved ones getting sick. That’s a legitimate fear right now that many people have. But in all honesty, that’s not the biggest fear taking up space in my mind and my heart right now. My biggest fear? What this time of isolation means for me and for others who struggle with their mental health.
This is something that’s been on my heart for the past week or so, and it keeps getting louder and stronger. I’ve had some good conversations with people about social distancing, and wishing that it was called physical distancing instead. Because guess what? People need other people and regardless of peoples’ best intentions, physical distancing automatically results in a level of social distancing. At least in my world. No matter how many people with good intentions are checking in with me, there’s still a considerable amount of time that I’m alone, alone time that is not normal or routined. I’m not at work, seeing my students and my people. I’m not going to in-person therapy. I’m not going to support group. I’m spending probably triple the time at my house that I ever do in “real life.” Social distancing, physical distancing, whatever you want to call it, is isolating. And isolation is not good or productive for one’s mental health.
As I scroll through Twitter, I see people, especially those in the mental health field, echoing my concerns. I see tweets talking about checking in with your people and creating a new routine for yourself. I see encouragement and love and good intentions. But as I scroll and see statistics on people infected with COVID-19, I wonder how long it will take to start seeing statistics on suicides. It’s not a pleasant thing to think about. In fact, my fingers have gotten considerably slower since I started typing this paragraph. There’s a big piece of me that just wants to stop and file these thoughts and feelings deep down and not think about them. But unfortunately, I think that it’s reality and truth and things for all of us to think about as we live through this unprecedented time. We know how to keep our physical selves healthy from germs and sickness, but do we truly know how to keep our selves (and our people) emotionally healthy and connected in the midst of this uncertainty and isolation?
I’m not claiming to have all the answers. Hell, I’m not claiming to have any answers. But maybe that’s ok. Maybe it’s not answers that we need here, maybe it’s just awareness. A different way of thinking. A mindset to take on during this time of uncertainty and fear. What if we reframed our thoughts around this time? I’ve seen so many things about being productive and having time to get all the things done that you feel like you haven’t had time for. Instead, what if you practiced self-care? All the things about eating too much and gaining weight and starting a new workout program? What if you resolved to do at least one thing a day to get out into nature and move your body? What if we moved away from production and moved into nurturing ourselves and our people through all of this chaos? We are in uncharted territory. None of us, regardless of age and experience, have experienced anything quite like this before. This means that no matter how “well” you are taking all of this change, it is still change, and there is still so much unknown about our near future. We need to take care of ourselves and each other during this time.
So what can we do? Again, I’m not claiming to have answers, but one thing that really sticks out in my brain is taking care of ourselves and each other. This time looks different for everyone. Some people are still at work, risking their health for all of us. Some people are out of work right now and trying to figure out what that means financially for them and their family. Some people are trying to work from home and figuring out a new normal. Some people are “quarantined” together with others, who could very well be driving you nuts. Some people are isolated and alone. Regardless of one’s circumstances, everyone could use a check in from time to time.
What if we all resolve to check in with a few people every day? It could be the same few people, or it could be different ones each day. We could not only ask them how they are, but what they’ve been doing with their time, how they feel about everything, if there’s anything that you can do to be helpful to them. If everyone resolved to do this, maybe, we can help people who are feeling disconnected, feel connected again. Maybe, by doing this, we could save someone’s life.
This is a really weird time. You’re entitled to feel a little off, a little sad, a little frustrated. Grief over things you’re missing or your loved one is missing. Historically, I’ve been one to push those not-so-good-feeling-emotions away. But the past few days, I’ve been trying to just sit in it, to feel it all, and not judge those feelings, just notice them. I’m not good at it, but this time sure is giving me a lot of practice. We all are feeling lots of feelings right now. My hope for you is that you’re not having to feel all those feelings alone. Reach out, stay connected, check on each other, tell someone that you are thinking about them, and how much you care. You never know how much it may mean to someone.
There’s this #AloneTogether hashtag floating around. I kinda like it. Even though some of us may have to weather this storm alone physically, we don’t have to be alone emotionally. It just may take our people checking in each day to continually remind us of that.
Check in with your people (and yourself) this week! ❤️⤵️
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