2020 hasn't been a great year. Global pandemic, quarantine spring/summer, lots of unknowns and dark days...here are the things that kept my brain occupied the past year (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER!)
Top 10 Books
1. Untamed by Glennon Doyle
One of my favorite books of all time. I just love everything about Glennon and her story. If you need a pick-me-up or some inspiration to wake up your inner god-d*** cheetah, this book is for you! Plus, her daily Insta morning meetings during quarantine kept me going and helped me to not feel so alone. ❤️
2. What Made Maddy Run: The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All-American Teen by Kate Fagan
This book spoke to me at a soul level. I saw myself in nearly every page and am so very grateful that my story has had a different ending. A look at the complexities and challenges of being a collegiate athlete in the world of social media and perfectionism. My heart still hurts after reading, but I'm so glad that I did.
3. Ghost Boys by Jewell Parker Rhodes
I read this book aloud to my students for the first time this past year. I previewed it, and then had to listen to it two more times because it was so darn good! It follows a young African-American boy, first alive, and then as a ghost, watching the aftermath of his wrongful death at the hands of a white police officer. It does such a good job looking at multiple perspectives and delivering the message that the world is full of shades of grey and not just black/white.
4. Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell
Man, this one was good! I couldn't stop talking about it for weeks afterwards. A look at how human beings make assumptions and judgements about the people around them, and how we are often wrong.
5. The Blood of Emmett Till by Timothy Tyson
I teach the Civil Rights Movement in my class and we spend a few days on Emmett Till. The kids have had so many good questions that I haven't had the answer to, so I read this to have better answers for them. I had to stop and take a break from it more than a few times, but it's such an important part of history.
6. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
I wanted to read the book before I watched the movie, and I'm so glad that I did. Angie Thomas is such a marvelous young adult writer and I appreciate her views on social justice issues. I'm still realizing the privilege that I grew up with and still have, and spent a lot of time this summer reflecting on that and what my role is going forward as a social studies teacher in a mostly white, small town, middle school and reading this book helped me to do that.
7. It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini
Oh man, I loved this one. It's not new, and my brother has been trying to get me to read it for awhile. Quarantine came around and I finally found the time. For someone that has been hospitalized multiple times in the Behavioral Health Unit (aka Psych Ward), this story hits home. You sure meet some interesting characters while you're in the hospital, but his story used the right mixture of humor and truth to show what it's really like to get to that breaking point and spend time away from your life with people who are in the same mental space as you.
8. The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
So, this isn't a super exciting read, think more textbook-ish, but my inner nerd really loved it. Dr. van der Kolk's research on PTSD and trauma and how it affects the body has been really interesting to me for a long time. Basically, your body maintains a memory of things that happen to you that your brain doesn't necessarily consciously remember, keeping "the score" on your past. It helped me to understand my brain better and gave me a new appreciation for my body and all the amazing things that it can do.
9. The Shining by Stephen King
Basically, my quarantine was all about reading books that Gabe has been wanting me to read for a long time. We re-watched "The Shining" (my favorite horror movie of all time) and he told me for the umpteenth time that I should read the book because "it's better." Well, he was right. It's so different than the movie and was so good!
10. Doctor Sleep by Stephen King
Naturally, after rewatching The Shining and then reading it, we had to watch the new release, Doctor Sleep. I watched the movie before I read the book, which I don't usually do. I was a little skeptical, I thought reading one Stephen King book in my life may be enough for me, but I'm glad I stuck with it. NOW I think I've had enough of Stephen King books...I guess until the next one he talks me into reading 😂
Top 10 Movies
1. Only the Brave
If you know me well, you know that I don't really cry. But this movie gets me EVERY TIME. It's the true story of the Granite Mountain Hotshots, a group of firefighters in AZ. The first time I watched, I was glued to the screen and then couldn't shake it for the rest of the day. I've watched it several more times since then, and I'm blown away every single time. It's on my bucket list to hike to their memorial near Prescott, AZ someday really soon.
2. Jojo Rabbit
When I first saw the commercials for this movie, I honestly thought it was really inappropriate. But I gave in and watched it anyway, and IT IS SO GOOD. It's about a little boy living in Nazi Germany, and Hitler is his imaginary friend. It's a sweet story about the goodness of humanity and a kid finding his own way in the world. Plus, it's pretty funny.
3. Hamilton
I've watched and listened to Hamilton many, many more times than I would like to admit. More than anything else, the music of Hamilton has gotten me through 2020. I love this history of it, the cleverness and catchiness of the lyrics, and pretty much everything about it. Stay tuned for the next Kate & Cassie Carpool Karaoke because there will definitely be Hamilton music on there and I'll actually know the words this time!
4. Doctor Sleep
I already hit on this one, but had to have it on my movie list too. I don't generally rewatch movies, but I've rewatched this one a few times. The cinematography in it is awesome and I love the many subtle callbacks to The Shining.
5. Call of the Wild
I think I found my newest favorite dog movie. I'm bad about multitasking and being on my phone during movies, but I don't think I touched my phone at all when watching this one! It's such a good, fresh new take on an old story and even though the dog is computer generated, it's realistic enough to pull on your heartstrings for sure! It also made me want to run away to the mountains, like...now.
6. The Shack
I watched the movie after reading the book and at first, I was a little skeptical about how they were going to accurately encompass all the strong themes from the book. Just how do you cast a real life "God?" Well, I was pleasantly surprised and really liked watching one of my favorite books come to life.
7. Coco
I realize that I'm a little late to the party on this one, but it was so cute! A little boy, celebrating Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Day the Dead) accidentally goes on a trip to the Land of the Dead to visit his ancestors and find the real story of his family. Super cute and made me happy on a sad night.
8. Joker
To be honest, I hate superhero movies. I know, I know. Believe me, my brothers have already put me through the ringer for that. But I was intrigued by this one and the underlying theme of mental illness. Joker's origin story is actually super sad and a good representation of how we, as a society, are collectively failing those struggling with mental illness, who need our help, not our judgement.
9. Ready or Not
This one was pretty good! I can't watch a lot of horror movies anymore, but this one was just the right mix between horror and suspense and comedy. Imagine marrying into a family and having to go through a type of rite of passage...and end up just trying to survive in the most literal sense of the word.
10. The Social Dilemma
I'm not super into horror anymore, but this one was about as 'scary' of a movie as I've seen in a long time. It's a documentary all about how social media is sucking us all in and ensuring that we become addicted to it. To be honest, it terrified me and I've set a bunch of alarms and boundaries with social media and my phone after watching. It's especially terrifying to watch how technology and social media are negatively affecting youth. I would recommend it, but be ready to seriously question all your tech/social media usage habits!
Top 10 Shows
1. The Last Dance
As a basketball fan, I LOVED this docu-series about Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls dynasty in the 1990s. Even if you're not a sports fan, I would totally recommend watching!
2. Grey’s Anatomy
I know, I know, I'm late to the party on this one too. I'd never seen one episode of Grey's before quarantine. Then, I watched all 16 seasons on Netflix. Let's just say, by this summer, I was pretty confident in my diagnosing skills and foolishly thought I could probably perform an "appy." 😂 I cried more tears over Grey's Anatomy over the course of a few months than I have about my own life in over 5 years (no lie!) Now if I could only find a friendship like Mer & Christina's and a love story like Meredith & Derek's, I'll be set!
3. This is Us
Gah! This is Us! I love this show! I love seeing the multiple generations of one family and putting together all the story lines. I love the story line of Randall's anxiety, Kate's body image, Kev's addiction, all of it. I can see pieces of myself in all the characters and love to escape into their life/world once a week!
4. The Crown
So, I've kinda become a nerd when it comes to the Royal Family and all the history that goes with it. The newest season of the Crown came out recently and I find myself googling, "Did the Queen really..." for each episode. This results in falling down the rabbit hole for hours at a time researching British & world history and historical figures like Margaret Thatcher and Winston Churchill.
5. The Queen’s Gambit
Have you heard of it?! If not, you definitely need to look it up and watch! It's a Netflix mini-series about Beth Harmon, a master chess player. Let me tell you, I never knew chess could be so exciting and dramatic! I definitely recommend!
6. The Good Place
Another quarantine binge watch. The Good Place was just what my mind needed on those dark days of quarantine. I love the humor and the story line and the quotes. Eleanor dies and wakes up in "The Good Place." However, she's pretty sure that it's a mistake..."What the fork?!"
7. Shameless
This show is one of my guilty pleasures. The story of an inner-city Chicago family with an alcoholic for a dad and all the shenanigans they get into. Wildly inappropriate? Well, yes. Entertaining? Also yes.
8. Ratched
Another mini series from Netflix. Based on Nurse Ratched from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," Sarah Paulsen is fantastic in it. Definitely some hard scenes to watch, but I appreciated Nurse Ratched's character. You can never quite figure out if she's a good guy or a bad guy and it always keeps you on your toes.
9. Waco
Wow. So, I didn't know much about the standoff that happened in Waco between the Branch Dividians and the US Government. My nerdy self had to do a lot of research during and after watching, and I thought the series was so well done.
10. Friends//Parks & Recreation//The Office
So, I really would have struggled to get through 2020 without these three shows. I've seen them all so many times, I can quote each episode. But being able to just turn them on, know what to expect, and just relax and laugh was just what I needed a lot of evenings over the past year. Plus, between these three shows, there's a quote and gif for every life situation!
Top 10 Songs
I fell in love with this song the night I watched her perform it at the Grammy's early this year. It was her first performance since her overdose, and she actually started singing, then started to cry, and had to restart. It's so raw and real and authentic and I feel it in my soul every time I hear it.
Favorite lyric:
I tried and tried and tried some more
Told secrets 'til my voice was sore
Tired of empty conversation
'Cause no one hears me anymore
I sent this song to my friend, Katie, because it always makes me think of her and our conversations while in the middle of the desert a couple years ago. It's such an accurate representation of depression and loneliness. How you want your people close, but feel like you don't have the adequate energy to interact with them.
Favorite lyric:
Modern loneliness, we're never alone
But always depressed, yeah
Love my friends to death
But I never call and I never text, yeah
This song hits home in a lot of ways. The beautiful thing about her songs, is that they have multiple meanings. What speaks to me, personally, is the idea of someone fighting this really hard internal battle and no one around them realizing how hard they are having to fight every moment of every day. Taylor is a lyrical genius, I'm telling you...
Favorite lyric:
I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway
I just wanted you to know That this is me trying
I will always ADORE this song. It hits me deep down into my soul and usually makes me stop in my tracks when it first comes on. I can never, ever skip it. One of my favorites of all time, hands down. It just takes me so many places in my head and reminds me that no matter how far away God feels, maybe he's not so far from me at all.
Favorite lyric:
When I was your foe, still your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth
You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
This song will always make me think of my good friend, Philly. I'm not sure if our paths will ever cross again, but listening makes me remember that I have people in my corner rooting for me that will never give up on believing in me, near and far, whether I get to see them or talk to them, or not.
Favorite lyric:
I'm not givin' up, givin' up, no, not me
Even when nobody else believes
I'm not goin' down that easily
So don't give up on me
This one hurts my heart. I've made a lot of mistakes this year, mistakes that have hurt people. This song reminds me of that piece of my heart that is torn and the part that wishes things were different.
Favorite lyric:
Neither of us is at fault
But lately, if I'm being honest
Nothing lights up when you call and I hate it
'Cause I've wanted love for so long
And if we tried, we could probably make it, but
Holdin' you would always feel wrong and I hate it
I feel like this song does a good job at explaining how my brain sounds, especially in moments of great anxiety. It's that question, "Am I crazy? Or do other people's minds sound like this too?"
Favorite lyric:
I feel weird, like I'm not here
I don't see myself in the mirror
I'm sad, a little bit mad
Why do good things always feel bad?
I'm blank, I'm just blank
Like a squiggly line on the page
And there's voices in my mind
But what's real, what's mine?
Sometimes I look around
Crawlin' in my skin
'Cause I don't understand
The body that I'm in
This song just makes me calm. The lyrics, the music, all of it. It just makes me think of the slower, simpler, less anxiety-ridden life that I long for.
Favorite lyric:
I'm not a wordsmith
But I, happen to like to write
I'll, share this piece of wisdom
That I'm, much too young to have inside
That everything inside, will be alright
It'll be alright
My friend Aisle introduced me to this song, and I've loved it ever since! It's that whole idea of being this "perfect" person on the outside, and struggling so much on the inside, even though no one sees..
Favorite lyric:
Hey homecoming queen
Why do you lie
When somebody's mean?
Where do you hide?
Do people assume
You're always alright?
Been so good at smiling
Most of your life
I've loved Taylor since the beginning, but TWO albums in one year?! Are you kidding me?! Taylor and I are around the same age, and I've appreciated the fact that it feels like we've grown up together. Her newest album, Evermore, has been on repeat in my headphones/car/Alexa for weeks now. This specific song..wow..how does Taylor always know my soul?!
Favorite lyric:
Tell me, when did your winning smile
Begin to look like a smirk?
When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?
I know this was a long one. Congratulations if you actually made it all the way through! I always love talking books, shows, movies, songs with people...so if you have comments on any of these, feel free to hit me up!
I hope you can find something from this list that might bring a little happiness to the end of your 2020! :)